Losing control in a relationship
Losing Control, Finding Serenity by Daniel A. MillerForeWord Reviews 2011 Book of the Year Award Finalist in self-help category.
What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control?
Do you criticize your spouse, nag your children, or hover over coworkers in an attempt to control them or prevent them from making mistakes? What if you let events unfold without resisting? Accepted people for who they are instead of trying to change them? Stopped pressuring your coworkers? Stopped telling your family whats best for them?
When you let go of control, your blinders come off and you can engage in lifes currents in an intuitive manner. The rewards are unexpected and often exciting. Conflicts diminish. Family bonds strengthen. Intimate relations become more intimate. Creative horizons expand. Work becomes more rewarding.
Losing Control, Finding Serenity provides practical strategies and decontrol tools to help you
- Reduce the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment
- Make work less stressful and more profitable
- Find lasting love and intimacy
- Reduce the struggle with your children
- Overcome procrastination and achieve your creative potential
When you begin to accept life as it is, you will learn that losing control brings contentment to you -and those around you.
Find out how losing control really means gaining control.
When One Person Controls the Relationship
Friendships can grow apart, flings can lose their luster, and romantic bonds can weaken. It happens. It can be painful to have people you love and care about turn against you, and it might lead you to wonder why it keeps happening. This negative break up pattern may be a string of bad luck, but it may also result from a need to control certain aspects of the relationship. Being controlling is often thought of as a personality trait, but it might be better to think of it as a coping mechanism for anxiety.
Anger is a natural and normal human emotion that tends to make its presence known in any relationship, even if it is not addressed at the person to whom it is being expressed. Unfortunately, anger often rears its head in our interactions with those we love the most, including our romantic partners. Managing anger and managing your response to an angry partner is a useful skill that can promote intimacy and maturity in any romantic relationship. As a therapist, I often challenge my clients to think about how their reactivity in a relationship gets in the way of who they want to be as a partner. So often we shut down, complain to friends, or try and control our partner as a response to our anger.
How Do You Know If You're Controlling Others?
In these hectic and often chaotic times, for most people controllers included , the need for intimate, close bonds with friends and family is more important than ever for their overall well-being. Yet, most controllers are unaware of how much their controlling actions prevent intimacy. Twenty years ago I was a massive, obsessive controller.
Relationships should be about a shared, equal bond, where partners are teammates who make compromises and share power, rather than a coach versus team member dynamic. What happened to equality? There are multiple reasons why one person may exert more power in a relationship. The importance of balance varies with each person. Of course, there are other life events that can cause someone to be the controlling partner in a relationship — even events from childhood.