Left hand wrath pedal review
Axel (Corps Security, #1) by Harper SloanSwear to Christ this bitch needs to calm her tits.
Those are my fucking tits and she is my fucking girl.
Are you in love yet? AXEL! sure takes heroics to a new level of caveman, doesnt he?
Beware of the New Alpha, romance readers!
Hes hot, ripped, and hung like a horse.
His dick slices through granite and punches ten sharks.
He likes a girl with a vagina that can gush like a geyser
and HATES any man who dares look sideways at her.
His sperm are like ninjas that make dragon babies.
He may speak like a child but fucks like 8 porn stars.
The New Alpha makes good girls fantasize about douchebags.
Who needs good characterization when - blah, blah, blah - 12 pack?
If you call me Holt one more fucking time Im bending you over my knees, yeah?
Take me now, baby.
Hey, I get it. Some girls like this kind of guy. I dont, but then again, I dislike a lot of things that other people like - butterflies and tacos and bubblegum and Nickleback. People are horrendously awesome in their petty differences. AXEL! did not make me wet, as the heroine Izzy frequently asserts. Hes brutish, domineering, vapid, and rarely uses subjects in his sentences.
Thought I could get you here and enjoy some dinner without having to be inside your wet heat.
Dreamed of this for so fucking long, Izzy.
It will be over before it begins baby, just have to cool off...want you so fucking bad.
Feel so good...so wet, so hot.
I could do this all day. Basically, if I dated AXEL!, I would have to wear earmuffs to avoid hearing his stupid voice saying stupid things. But whatever. Hes just one character. Lets give the others a chance.
Izzy, the heroine, is a hot fucking mess. Her tragic backstory is so heavy-handed that the entire book is about people, like, holding Izzy like an infant and defending her honor or whatever. Shes flanked by a group of burly ex-Marines who call her baby girl and coddle her like a speshul snowflake.
Heres a spoilery list from Izzys Tragedy Factory:
(view spoiler)[Teenage boyfriend AXEL! leaves for the military.
Both of Izzys parents die in a car accident.
Finds out shes pregnant with AXEL!s baby.
Thinks AXEL! is dead.
Both grandparents die, leaving her with no family.
Marries an abusive asshat.
Abusive asshat nearly beats her to death.
She ends up with fucking AXEL! D: (hide spoiler)]
Its a new trend to give a heroine the shittiest life imaginable to create tension or something. In my reading experience, this trend always fails. The character ends up being more a list of the awful things that happened to her rather than a living, breathing person. Its clear that Izzys broken. Shes so broken that she drinks excessively and only finds comfort when a big macho man is protecting her. Aside from that, Izzy is ... nothing. Shes a blank slate, a glove for AXEL!s penis, a vessel for the reader to jump in and fantasize about hooking up with a sexy guy. And who can blame her for being less interesting than sandpaper when she has tons of men to make her decisions for her? Shes everyones girl, after all, and AXEL! calls her mine at a frequency that makes him look more selfish than the worlds brattiest toddler.
AXEL! is a poorly formed character as well. Hes so outrageously pig-headed and ALPHA SAY RAWR that there is nothing left but a laughably ridiculous cliche. All the men in this are like that - thumping their chests and calling Izzy girl and probably pissing on things when no ones looking. When the hero of a ROMANCE novel has dialogue that sounds remarkably similar to the abusive exs dialogue, its clear that all characterization has been shot to hell and back.
Also, Im 99.99% positive that the asshat ex is Garfield the Cat:
What did I fucking say, Isabelle? NO DENISE! No afternoons chatting like little fucking bitches. You are to be here, cleaning my fucking house, cooking my fucking dinner, and spreading your fat fucking thighs for my dick! He reaches out and grabs a bowl of chili, throwing it with all his strength against the wall. I watch chunks of meat, beans and sauce run down my happy yellow walls. And what the fuck is this shit? I told you, you fucking bitch, I wanted lasagna! Does this look like lasagna?
So now we know what happens when Garfield doesnt get his lasagna.
But worst of fucking all is the writing. I dont want to discourage first-time and self-pubbing authors, but let me be brutally honest for a minute. If I pay $3.99 for a BOOK, I expect it to be properly edited. Sadly, Axel does not live up to those simple expectations.
Behold what I like to call TENSE HELL:
My breathing slowly returns to normal and I felt like I am able to speak.
Quivers of arousal shoot through my body and if it hadnt been for his strong arm around me, I melt right here on his driveway.
WITHIN SENTENCES. The tense changes WITHIN the sentences.
Little did I know, the last time I look into these eyes would be when he turns around to wave while walking up the steps to the bus, the bus taking my heart with it.
Ill stop at three examples, which is fucking enough for my nerves at the moment. It happens constantly, though - switching tenses, abused commas, and funny errors.
This is when Izzy thinks like a pirate:
Coop laughs and scoops me up into a big hug and kisses me cheek earning a deep growl in warning from Axel.
And then this happens:
You cant see the lights yet but the torches are lit and the rose pedals against the green grass make it look like there is a blanket of pink and red.
Those are some really fancy pedals.
As for the sex ...
Thought I could get you here and enjoy some dinner without having to be inside your wet heat. Fuck baby, I can smell you from here. I bet your pussy is soaked, fucking sopping wet and ready for me.
SERIOUSLY. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. SHE NEEDS TO SEE A GYNECOLOGIST YESTERDAY! D:
Oh, and for the record, the apparently badass Corps Security crew of AXEL! and his friends sucks at its job. I wouldnt trust them to protect my garden lilies from hungry rabbits. (view spoiler)[The abusive ex manages to beat the hell out of Izzy TWICE while shes supposedly under the care of Corps Security. Really, the only tough thing they do is stand around and growl at each other. (hide spoiler)] Fuck those guys. Ill take my chances without the douche brigade.
I wont be reading any other books in this series, no matter how tempting it is to read about AXEL!s meathead friends bossing people around and calling grown women baby girl. BAVR likes a fun challenge, but Ill be damned before I pay another dollar for a book that cant decide what tense to use.
Ah, but why so serious? Ill leave you with some sage wisdom from our dashing title character.
Princess, thats what happens when shit festers and bitches act like bitches.
Lone Wolf Audio Left Hand Wrath Distortion
The HM-2 was the first real Metal Distortion pedal effect on the market, in the early 90s Swedish bands like Dismember and Nihilist later Entombed created their legendary "Buzzsaw" sound with this pedal. Also added is a center controller that operates in the high middle range and can control the bruzzeligen high mid portions independently from the treble. The character of the distortion can be changed with a 3 fold Clipping switch - choose from the original Japanese Vintage diodes sound of the original, no diodes in the signal or a pair of Vintage Germanium diodes for a softer, but still-present basic sound. Perimeter noises are held to a minimum thanks to the high quality, selected components even at "full throttle" setting limits. Ratings 5 stars 1.
Mar Tweaked for the ultimate in chainsaw ripping fury, You now have full tonal control over your sound. Welcome to Distortion Pedal HQ! My name is Wes Parrish. With my influences in alternative music, punk, new wave and metal, I have sought to find my tone in a sea of product choices. You can read more about why I made this site or take a look at my current rig.
There are loads of videos and recordings you can reference showcasing the iconic tone the original Boss HM-2 can provide. It's beyond a clone as it stands on it's own. Put it through your high gain section of your amplifier and watch the destruction unfold in front of you. The only thing that can rival it is it's bigger brother, the LHW Deluxe. You don't even have to take my word for it, go watch the videos on Youtube, it's proven superior. In the world of guitars and guitarists there are pedals that have changed the game so to speak and have become legend. But in the world of metal music, Boss' HM-2 has become legendary through the years and became the standard for metal guitarists along with the ProCo Rat in the world of distortion boxes.